Bushido of Silence
What does it mean to be empty inside, I asked myself this a thousand times and still I cannot figure it out. I feel everything that happens around me to everyone yet it never bothers me. I have been watching my dumpster fire of a relationship slowly burn away at everything good in me and still I cannot get away from it. I have seen the light within me die and the void that comes after take over everything. Is this what it means to be empty inside?
I have wondered for so long that I have no idea what it really means to feel content, I really have no uplifting thoughts on where I want to be because I have no idea what it means to have everything you ever needed. I have what I need but does that mean that I am content or just lost in the comfort of the numbness. I tried to listen to the gurus out there on what it means to transcend to a higher consciousness but that feels like lying to myself. I have seen others grow to proportions of wealth that make me wonder if they are truly happy when I see them drink themselves to oblivion.
What the actual fuck does it mean to be human, this I have asked the cosmos, but a better question would be. Why did humans become as they are, the hypocritical sentient and parasitical beings that spread worse than a plague that obliterate without reason or rhyme. I am human and yet I wish no harm to all but there are thoughts that wander into my mind that want that exactly for some random thief or person I see in the socials online. Am I evil then to want harm on another that probably is living a better life than me, or am I just giving in to the worst of our thoughts. We have souls that are noble yet our bodies are the corruptions that bleed into the soul.
I guess I will never know because I really don’t care and just want to live a life I want. I don’t care if I suffer a hundred years but that one day when I see what peace really is then I will accept it. I will not allow that poison into my soul any more. Though I will become more indifferent to all feelings and just walk the path of a ronin. I have no master and I will do what I can in the manner befitting the life of a true human. Religion is fractured and for that I will only believe when I have an answer to why I should believe, Buddha was right when he said that religion is not a religion when it stops the believer from questioning.
I hope this helps and sometime soon I will find that beach where I can sit and watch the waves go by and the wind lifts away all the burdens I never wanted.
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