The gift of our past

Priya sat at the pavement and looked down at her torn shoe, it was old but it was the only thing she had from her father. The day he had bought it for her was the best day in her life then, now it felt like it was the only life she had. The day was cold and the wind was biting at her, shivering she wrapped herself with her hands and tried to rub some warmth but the clothes she wore were not meant for this weather. Looking around she was scared and alone but there was a sense of peace now that she was away from the life she did not want. It was hard to leave but she had to or it would have eaten everything in her that was her identity.

“Can I sit here?” came a voice from behind, this startled Priya and she looked at the figure standing behind her. How could she have walked up to Priya without even being noticed. “I… I guess. Wait.”

It was too late at the girl sat down next to her and stretched out and yawned, she looked older than Priya but dressed like a 90’s punk girl. Black jeans and jacket that screamed of an age gone long ago. Her hair was cut short and she wore no make up from the way she looked. She smiled at Priya which cause her to turn away and look down at her shoe.

“So, what brings a lost girl to this part of the bridge?”

“Nothing, I was tired and sat down to rest.” Priya muttered and continued her meditation on the shoe.

“No one ends up wherever they are for no reason. Look at me, I am hear because I was supposed to meet someone and they did not show. No loss there since I have a new friend to talk to now.”

Priya did not say anything but kept her vigil, “hmm… you look like you are at the end of your rope. Let me propose a bargain, I tell you about me and in exchange you tell me about yourself. How about that, life is all about exchange and this is the cheapest I can offer you.”

Priya looked at the girl’s shoes, they were similar to hers but newer. The socks that caught her eyes, they are rainbow coloured and old. The colours were there but much more faded, there were clouds floating about them and when Priya concentrated for a second longer she swore they moved.

“Those socks were a sort of experiment honestly, I used to be all gloom and doomy but one day a little girl offered those to me saying it would brighten my day. I was about to brush them off but decided to try and see how I would feel wearing something that wasn’t so lost like me. Now every time I feel like there is no point in this existence I look down and see them and it reminds me that life is not so bad, life is full and we need to remember that.”

Priya began to talk even before her mind registered that her mouth was moving, “I… I was once a happy girl before I got married. I remembered the life I left behind where I didn’t care what the world thought and I would live the way I saw fit. My parents weren’t rich or anything but they gave me everything this world had to offer in love and happiness. My dad would bring flowers and a cake for me every birthday for me and my mum would make for breakfast that I loved. It was the best time, then they died in a car accident… I..”

“Sometimes fate has things in reverse if am honest, he is a idiot if am honest but there is something in they way lives are lived they way they are meant to with a kind of balance. No to say that your life was totally unbalanced but … you know what I am getting to..”

Priya looked a the girl confused. The girl looked a little older than Priya, she was smiling and shaking her head slowly. She then looked up and pointed at a bird flying from a tree.

“That is a parrot, you ever had one to played with one?”

Priya shook her head, “well neither have I, I find them fascinating. Honestly we think they are mimicking our speech and enjoying their lives but it’s quite the reverse. They learn and use that to survive, many of them accept their cages and know they are safe even though it’s the worst fate. To live but within the confines of four walls and entertain their masters for food. You look like you know what that means.”

“A year after they passed I met a guy through a friend, he was charming at first and since I did not have much experience with guys, he felt like an angel to me. I was captivated by his smile and words. When he asked to marry him I thought that finally I have something to help me move on. Its… its strange that we see only one side of people when we meet them without any bindings. He was always helping me come out of the depression I felt after the passing of my parents and would take me to new places to see the world around me in a new light.”

“People are all bastards if I am honest. They all wear masks to hide the truth, those that don’t are considered as opposers or undesirables. When you wear a mask you will lie to hide everything about yourself without any blemish to your soul, or so you think, but a lie is like a drop of black ink in clean water. The taint always remains and no matter how much water you add, its still there and you will still see it staring back at you.”

“The first six or so months after the wedding, things were like a dream. Waking up to his smile and coming home to that same smile. After that period, the mask began to slip and over the weeks I could see the façade for what it really was. He was a venomous from within and the smile he used to give me came at a cost. My job was still low paying but I knew it was only a matter of time I got bumped up, he worked at a manager at some company in the PR side so he would travel a lot. I thought that marrying me would mean that he was loyal but honestly he had a darker side to him, it was like ten months after the wedding when he first struck me down for not making a sandwich like he wanted. I tried to explain but received another to shut me up.”

Priya began to cry and soon all the emotions rushed forward and she could not stop. The girl remained where she was and waited for Priya to finish, then placed a hand on her shoulder and whispered, “let it all go, no point in keeping it inside now.”

Priya looked up from the tears and wiped the snot from her nose with her sleeve. “Who are you, did… did he send you or..”

“Nope, I have no idea who you are and you still haven’t asked me for my name. Its Aby by the way, nice to meet you.” She spoke with a smile and offered her hand. Priya took it and both shook, “I am Priya.”

“Priya, meaning that you aren’t from around here right? No problemo, neither am I. I get around.”

Priya then look around them, they were on bridge in the middle of nowhere. How she got there she had no idea but all she remembered was that she ran and did not stop. She wanted to leave that old world behind and wanted to find a place for her head to clear. The trees swayed in the winds and there were bird calls while the river below flowed, the sounds from all around here helped finally to calm the storm of feelings within her.

“He would beat me till I was unconscious sometimes, it got so bad that I quit my job and had to hide myself at home to avoid the stares of people. I thought that I was the one to blame because I was making all the mistakes and he was perfect. He would explore ways to beat me without leaving marks because there times when we had to attend at parties where we would meet people we both knew. I would wear a mask and lie to my old friends on how life was amazing with him and then when we got back home would be subjected to another round of shoutings and beatings if I made any mistakes or did not sit next to him when he wanted.”

“I lived like that for over 5 years and in that time, little by little I was shut away from the world. I then learnt that we could not have a child because he was not fertile and that night I suffered the worst beating as he blamed me for making him like that. He threw my into a glass partition that shattered into a thousand pieces, many of which cut me. He realised that he made a mistake and if he did not rectify it then there would be questions to which he had no lies to cover. I was taken to a dodgy doctor to have stitches for all the cuts and when we got home I had to clean up. He blamed me for the broken glass, I worked all night slowly to make sure not to open the wounds. When I was done I had to make breakfast for him as it was seven in the morning.”

“Rough, that is worse than you look right now. How did you get away then. I know I am jumping the story but I would rather no listen to the story again.”

“I found a way to run when we had to attend a funeral of his brother. They were busy with guests and I secreted some old clothes to try make a run. When I saw an opening I took at and ran, I took a ride to the city and then from there a bus ride to this place. I have no idea where I am but honestly when I reached here I felt it was a good place as any to die. I wanted to jump over the rail but for some reason decided to sit here.”

“Well Priya, I am glad you did. At least now that your old life is done with, maybe walk that way and you will get to a small town and maybe there you will find someone who will help you start again.”

Priya looked at where Aby was pointing and then tried to decide whether to go or not. She did not want to end up where she started by meeting a guy who could be worse.

“No you will not. I am sure of that, I may not see the future but I know how things end.”

Priya looked at Aby with shock, how did she read her mind. Now the cold was returning and she was getting goose bumps. The air felt like it had a life of its own.

“I think you know who I am by now. Don’t worry, I don’t bite. You were meant to die here but it seems that something changed and I found myself here without a job.”

“You are.. wait.. no, you can’t be.”

“Death?”

Priya looked blank for a second then she tried to get up but here body did not want to respond.

“Like I said, I am not here for that. Honestly I thought I would have left but I saw something in you that shifted the balance. Now I am here doing the opposite of my job. So listen now, go there and live. Go there and find something worth living for and not having to look over your shoulder. I know you think he will come looking for you, believe me when I tell you that your leaving opened a door he did not want opened. He hid far too many skeletons to try anything other than wait for you to crawl back to him, which I know you will not. He has more than three wives and if he tried to hire someone to look for you then all the house of cards he built will come tumbling down. Some people have a better moral compass than you think. So go on, live your life and know that your parents might have given you something many don’t get from theirs. That is a lesson to be strong and move forward, always forward.”

“They may not be here with you, but they left a legacy of hope in you. They treated you with respect and love and taught you to be yourself. You lived like there was no one looking at you and when you laughed the whole world laughed with you. Strength is in all of you only that you forget that you have it sometimes. Now if you really want to take that step forward, then forget you have a past. The past only teaches you to find a path forward not back.”

Aby got up and stretched by lifting her hands up to the sky and just like that she was gone leaving Priya alone again on the pavement.